Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it was like eating out sand paper
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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