And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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