Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
