My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
