Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
