my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
