True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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