it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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