Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
