i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
