I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
