Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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