she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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