maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize