Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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