Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize