Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
