they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
