You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
