I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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