No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
