WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
