I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
