so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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