I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
