I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize