dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
