no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
