Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
