This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
