I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
