are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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