Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
