Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
