fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
