i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Everyone says I win the strip club
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
