Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
