Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
