So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
