a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
3pm strippers are depressing
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
