Did I show you my penis last night?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
