areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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