toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
