I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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