The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
