so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
