hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
