shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
birth control should be required to get into college
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
