He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
