peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
