3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
