So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
