thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize