She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
