Buhtt sex?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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