so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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