went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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