HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
