foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
