my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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