Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
