Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
