i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
