We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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