you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
