So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
